I tried reading it. I really did. But somewhere in between the horribly awkward sentence structuring, the Hallmark card "romantic" dialogue, the bland characterization (even if there are entire paragraphs devoted to Hot Vampire Guy's appearance), and the throwback to 1950's female gender roles that only a Mormon stay-at-home mom could pull off, I lost the will to continue and couldn't finish the bloody thing.
I suppose it's the safe, traditional romance that draws in both teenage girls and those who wish they still were. Impossibly handsome and charming boy meets fragile damsel in distress, boy gallantly swears to never touch innocent, chaste lady, minor wrench (aka vampirism) is introduced to possibly harm the relationship, relationship survives against all odds, chastity still withstanding.
Therein lies the problem: what the hell does chastity and traditional courtship have to do with vampires? They're not supposed to be the perfect boyfriend, they're supposed to be dangerous, poetic, half-insane, sex-crazed gore fiends.
When I was the age the primary fanbase of Twilight are now, around 13 or so, this was what a vampire meant to me:
Good old Anne Rice vampire fare (yes, I was one of those goth 13 year olds who read Anne Rice. Oh, to be young again...). While they may not be literary masterpieces, they are classic vampire novels that sold millions of copies and broke through to the mainstream. This is exactly what Twilight has done, but compare my summary of Twilight above to the sorts of things that happen in Anne Rice's books. Lestat hates his blind dad, torments and feeds on hookers, turns a six year old kid into a vampire (six year old kid then proceeds to kill entire families), has his throat slit by the six year old vampire, is bitten by crocodiles, battles his way back from being half dead and turns into a rock star whose music wakes up a very sexy 7000 year old Egyptian vampire queen who can explode hearts and eyeballs with a single thought.
See? Not a second of wholesome morality or sweetness. Definitely out of a Mormon housewife's reach.
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1 comment:
Thank you! Thank you. I raise my glass to you for this. And your comparison of "Twilight"/"Let the Right One In" to fast food/steak was absolutely priceless. I cannot stand that Twilight is, quite literally, everywhere. And it's truly devoid of literary nutrition! The fact that this is what kids are reading -and enjoying!- these days is apalling when I was reading "The Crimson Petal and the White" and "The Hobbit" at 13. We've gone downhill, and kids are now dumb and spoiled.
I found this site from BAF, by the way. Saw one of your posts, and in need of some intellectual interaction checked it out. I am wrinkledamanda.
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