Tattoos and Why One Woman Thinks You Shouldn't Bother If You're Not Angelina

Sitting in the waiting room of a downtown Toronto counselling clinic (not for therapy, for once – scouting out locations for a student film and awaiting the arrival of my partner-in-crime), I idly flipped through the October 2009 issue of Elle, a highly-regarded Canadian fashion magazine that leans toward the haute couture. Due to this fact, I did not expect to happen upon

A: An article about tattoos;

Or B: A positive article about tattoos.

Best guesses as to which the article contained (Hint: it sure as hell wasn’t Option B).

Oh, it wasn’t all bad. The author did admit that tattoos look “fab” on Angelina and Rhianna, but she cautions the rest of us mere mortals to think twice before getting a tattoo, because we might not “suit one.”

There are some interesting notions surrounding this tidbit of advice. One is that only “certain people” can appropriately pull off tattoos. Whether they be exotic Hollywood goddesses or punk rock rebels remains to be seen, but the author seems to be hinting that “normal” people, with normal clothes, normal looks, and normal attitudes, would look positively ridiculous with a tattoo. She claims tattoos “suit” a person, like a particular outfit would, and if a tattoo doesn’t fit within the boundaries of your look, it is inappropriate for you to bother with one.

The other strange part of this article is the author’s experience with her own tattoo, which she got on a lark in college – by a tattoo artist in a dingy shop who smoked a joint the entire time and, quite obviously, ruined the Urdu script she had chosen. She went home, immediately hated the tattoo, scrubbed it with a scouring pad (allegedly believing this might actually work), and eventually gave up and took to constantly wearing clothes that hid the tattoo for the next fifteen years.

According to this enlightened individual, because she was incredibly irresponsible and chose to leave something as monumental as a first tattoo, a permanent and life-altering decision, in the hands of an "artist" under the influence of drugs in a shoddy shop, we should all take caution when getting a tattoo. The author could have stressed the importance of research, or how to locate a friendly and clean shop with talented artists, but instead she simply shrugs off her story as yet another reason why some people should avoid tattoos altogether.

Reading this, my immediate thought (aside from irritation and “I should totally write an article about this”) was, “Why doesn’t she just get a cover-up from someone who knows what they’re doing?” Sure enough, the author does address this – and claims it is only one of her many fantasies. She imagines herself (I paraphrase here) “At L.A. Ink, hair flowing over one shoulder as Kat von D constructs an elaborate piece to cover up my mistake, but this will never happen.”

Probably not, dear author (practically being in the presence of Kat von D herself costs at least a grand) – but why not do the apparently unthinkable and actually put more than thirty seconds of thought into your cover-up design, visit an artist who doesn’t have a blunt sticking out of his mouth, and change your mangled piece into something beautiful? Or can only incredibly attractive rebellious celebrities who get tattoos from other incredibly attractive rebellious celebrities fulfil this particular fantasy?

Another Tentative Attempt to List the Best Movies of the Decade

Keeping in line with the last update, here's a list of what movies I enjoyed the most from the last ten years, not necessarily those that were objectively best (No Country For Old Men made me sleep, as did all three Lord of the Rings movies).

Big Fish (2003)
Paris, je t'aime (2006)
Let The Right One In (2008)
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Y tu mama tambien (2001)
Breakfast on Pluto (2005)
Ghost World (2001)
Anchorman (2004)
Pan's Labyrinth (2006)
Chicago (2002)
28 Days Later (2002)
The Incredibles (2004)
Hot Fuzz (2007)
Moon (2009)
Grindhouse (2007)
Moulin Rouge (2001)
Memento (2000)
Amelie (2001)
The Prestige (2006)
Oldboy (2003)
Donnie Darko (2001)
Eastern Promises (2007)
Benjamin Button (2008)
Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
The Aviator (2004)
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
Thank You For Smoking (2005)
Sweeny Todd (2007)
Spirited Away (2001)
Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Children of Men (2006)
O Brother Where Art Thou (2000)
Burn After Reading (2008)

A Tentative Attempt to List The Best Movies of 2009

2009 obviously isn't over yet, and, in preparation for Oscar Season, the next two months are promising some very must-see movies (9, Doctor Parnassus, and The Lovely Bones in particular). I also haven't seen a couple of noteworthy releases from the last little while, like The Hurt Locker.

By the end of the year, I'll update this list. As of now, here is a draft version, of sorts, of the films that wowed the pants of me in 2009.

Moon

As I wrote when I first reviewed Moon, I originally went into the movie thinking it would be an indie ripoff of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Instead, it ended up being an achingly sympathetic view of a man's loneliness. The isolation of space is even more apparent when it becomes increasingly clear that the memories that held him together were never as they seemed.

Star Trek












I know perilously close to nothing about Star Trek except the most basic of facts: Spock has pointy ears. Their ship is the Enterprise. But J.J. Abram's Star Trek prequel is wonderfully inclusive of non-fans like myself with just enough tradition to appeal to hardcore followers. It's intensely exhilarating, smart, well-crafted fun, a summer blockbuster that rises above its ilk with fantastic acting, an engaging script, and the gloriously saturated backdrop of space.

District 9












District 9 has two distinct parts. The first, and the one most widely applauded, is the somewhat heavy-handed (to me, at least) allegory to Apartheid-era South Africa. The second, and the one I appreciated the most, was the terrifyingly brutal transformation of a normal, somewhat dim-witted, human into a monstrous hybrid that doesn't quite belong anywhere.

And hey, there's a mecha robot, a big spaceship, and illegally-distributed cat food.

The Informant!














The Informant! is a fantastic film, precisely because it is not what it appears to be. It looks like another quirky expose on white-collar crime, but after awhile, when the audience is allowed to observe just what is going on here (and even then, we're as befuddled as the rest of the cast), Matt Damon's bumbling and clueless character consistently throws us for a loop. By the film's end, we're not sure if we're sympathetic, amused, or horrified, but in this case, that was it's intention all along.

Zombieland














The strength of Zombieland, and what sets it apart from other contenders in the horror-comedy genre, is the fact that it's motley crew of unlikely heroes are the stars, not the zombies themselves. Even if there were absolutely no zombies whatsoever, and we only get to see the team discussing the appeal of Hannah Montana for 12 year old girls, Zombieland would still be one of the funniest films of the year due to the absolutely fantastic chemistry between them.

Inglourious Basterds














Once upon a time, I was convinced Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds was either, A: never going to be made, and B: once it was made, going to be terrible. Heralds of it being his "masterpiece" only served to increase my suspicions and cynicism. I went into the theatre without expecting much, and came out of it absolutely speechless. It's a Tarantino film all right, but it's his most subtle, the most nuanced, the most controlled, and still incredibly fun, featuring a host of stellar actors (including Best Supporting Actor hopeful Cristoph Waltz) who all seem to be having a hell of a lot of fun too.

Some thoughts on Where The Wild Things Are

Not a review per say, but here be my opinions.

I'm not entirely sure why WTWTA has been deemed not suitable for children, as I didn't really see anything you'd call "frightening."
Then again, I grew up in an era when it was perfectly fine to make fucked up kid's movies like The Dark Crystal and Return to Oz, so I guess children are used to slightly different things now.

To enjoy this movie (as I certainly did), it's best to embrace your inner child, if you'll pardon the expression. I'm an adult with an interest in movies who is able to appreciate things like mise-en-scene and lighting and so forth, but you're really going to get the full impact if your mind adapts to what it's like to be a little boy who is jealous of his mom's new boyfriend and is devastated when big kids destroy his snow fort.

This is true for identifying with the Wild Things as well - as they are ultimately the creation of this young boy, they look upon situations with a child's logic, and you'll only end up finding it odd if you scrutinize with an adult's logic. Wild Thing Carol (voiced by James Gandolfini, who, sadly, does not whack anyone or call them a mortadelle, but it's a testament to how good he is in this movie that after a while you stop picturing Tony Soprano completely), as the creature who most resembles Max, is wont to temper tantrums and crushing disappointments when his dreams are dashed. After trying in vain to create a universe with no disappointment or pain, Max's naivete is echoed by that of the Wild Things as well. Through a series of events it becomes clear that this is impossible, but what is possible is to be happy despite issues when you love and are loved. For me, one of the most powerful moments in the film is when Max discovers firsthand that his own temper tantrums are hurting those who love him.

I hated most of the music, but then again, hipster acoustics and Karen O shouting isn't really my cup of tea. But she's banging the director, so what are you gonna do.

Visually, it looks lovely, and the slightly shaky handheld camera effect works because it's used very sparingly and thus doesn't come across as a gimmick. I thought the Wild Things look great, and it was a fantastic idea to only CGI their faces (everything else was an actor in costume). It gives them the appearance of being more human and thus easier to identify with, but their exaggeratedly creature-like features and the fact that they run and stomp and knock around trees while the tiny Max is standing beside them only emphasizes Max's fragility.

Also, they're kind of adorable. I want one. I can't decide between Ira or Douglas.

A note on the trailers: I can already tell I'm going to hate Fantastic Mr. Fox. Even when he's directing an animated feature about a talking fox, Wes Anderson still manages to adhere to all the tropes he's used in his other insufferably clever movies, as well as being the only person on the planet who still thinks it's funny when Owen Wilson talks fast.

All in all, Where the Wild Things Are isn't necessarily a masterpiece, but it is incredibly moving and a pretty beautiful film. I totally cried at the end, but don't tell anyone, it'll ruin my street cred.

Movie Review: Dead Snow (2009)

I know it's cliche these days to say Europeans really know how to do horror, but damn is it true.

I went to see Dead Snow last night as part of the Toronto After Dark film festival. While I could have been going to see any number of hot new movies (District 9, Ponyo, and what have you), I opted to see something completely ostentatious and highly entertaining: a gory comedy horror about zombie Nazis (Yes, zombie Nazis. Why aren't there more movies about zombie Nazis?). What I did end up getting was something that was actually created with a good deal more talent than you'd expect of this sort of thing.

Was it ridiculous? Of course it was. It's about a bunch of students who get attacked by Nazi zombies while on a skiing trip. I'm not expecting Eraserhead here. There's not a lot of psychological depth and motivation, and the plot has more holes than Charlie Brown's ghost Halloween costume. The characters are likable enough, even though most are essentially gore-fodder, but then again, I'm one of those dinks who feels sorry for horror movie teens (mostly, unless they're just stupid and deserve to be eaten). I will say, without spoiling, that some of them must have balls as big as their heads.

Dead Snow doesn't care about realism, though, or plot development, it cares about giving you a fantastically good time. It begins with some old-fashioned uni student partying up in the (actually very lovely) Norwegian mountains, complete with booze, loud music, and an admittedly very icky sex scene. A creepy old guy shows up to spoil the fun and warn the students about the area, cursed due to some very evil Nazis who froze to death during World War II. Of course, this is exactly when all hell breaks loose and we are treated to gory, action-packed goodness that just gets more and more demented as time goes on, to the point where I thought, with amusement rather than exasperation, "I wonder if this is going to turn out to be all a dream?"

The over-the-top violence and gore, as well as the darkly comic script, is hysterically funny one minute and intensely chilling the next. I wouldn't go so far as to compare Dead Snow with Shaun of the Dead, but there are moments when it pays homage to, while simultaneously taking jabs at, classic horror of yesteryear.

A surprising aspect of Dead Snow is the fact that the cinematography is fairly impressive. The audience is treated to fantastically framed shots of beautiful Norwegian mountains in winter just as much as lingering, almost affectionate shots of brains and intestines.

I saw this with a crowd of about a hundred and fifty people, some of whom were dressed in zombie attire, and were clearly all in the mood for a blood-splattered good time. We laughed, cheered, and screamed at the most intense moments, which just made it all the more entertaining. Definitely a film to watch with a big group of gore-addicts or just those who appreciate the blackest kind of comedy there is.

Attention: spam

Taking a moment to direct your attention to Hearwax, the blog my boyfriend writes for, and his excellent review of Moon (which I wrote about last week).

We saw it together and discussed a lot of the same concepts, so I personally found it interesting to compare his observations with mine.

I will now force upon you the random things I've been listening to non-stop.

The following is what I hereby dub the "Summer 2009" playlist. It consists of a motley assortment of the songs I've been listening to far too often lately. Because I'm not entirely sure how to upload a playlist for iTunes and share it with the world (and by "world", I mean the 10 or so people who read this), I have provided YouTube links so that you may be privy to the awesome.

"You're Standing On My Neck" - Splendora
"The Well and the Lighthouse" - The Arcade Fire
"Air War" - Crystal Castles
"Hold Tight" - Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick and Tich
"Venus in Furs" - Siouxsie and the Banshees (Velvet Underground cover)
"Freeeeze!!" - Aural Vampire
"Chick Habit" - April March
"Soon" - My Bloody Valentine
"The Beginning is the End is the Beginning" - The Smashing Pumpkins
"Science Fiction, Double Feature" - Richard O'Brien, Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack